Locus of Control

What I eat, what I drink, and how I train are all I can control. I cannot control anything else, including how my body reacts to my diet and training. I can change the method to try to get better results, but that's all.

So if all I have to control is those three things, why is it so hard? My answer to myself is usually that I don't want it bad enough. But, when I think about that date looming ever closer, I feel anxious, like I'm not going to make it. Still, I regularly shoot myself in the foot, pushing me farther from my goal. Fear of success? Fear that I'll make it to the race and get a DNF? Fear that I'll train and life will get in my way and I won't be able to race after all?

I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that I know what to do. I know I can do it. I just need to do it.

Begin Again

I feel pretty good today. Despite a pound and a half weight gain.

I walked 4 days last week and did yoga one day. It was my eating that did me in, as usual.

Today, however, I'm doing a tuna and water diet. Just today. Not for three days like Dave Draper recommends. Because I know myself and there's no way I'd be able to do it. I hope it will give me a good jump start for eating healthier.

My left foot is hurting pretty bad again. Back to the Ibuprofen and ice. I expect the pain to become less as I lose more weight. I'm starting to think that the pain is more about that than anything else.

If all goes according to plan, I'll start running again that first week of October.

Wish me luck on the old Tuna and Water Day.

Better

Every time I fail, I try something different. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. Maybe if I'd stick with a plan, it would eventually work. I get frustrated and think it's the method that's at fault.

So, being frustrated and disgusted, I am trying something different again. It looks good on paper, I'll know by next Sunday if there's any results.

I'm up a half pound this week. On the bright side, I thought I had hurt myself on Wednesday. I tried skipping (do not attempt when you have plantar fasciitis). However, on Thursday, I was able to walk for several hours all over the zoo and Friday, Saturday and today I was able to do yoga with no noticeable problems. I guess I'll be OK.

Yesterday was the first day on the new eating plan and it worked out pretty well. I'm shooting for the same thing today, only with a few more vegetables.

Tomorrow is strength training. I'd like to do that three times this week. I'd also like to get in 3 walks, even if they're not long.

Here we go again.

Inertia

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

I'm beyond frustrated. And instead of getting off my butt and taking a step toward the goal, I'm sitting here being mad about it.

Yeah. That's gonna help a lot.

I am down another .8 lb. So that's a good thing.

I only worked out once this week and it was yoga. Not so good.

I'm out of time. I'm out of patience. I'm going to be out of luck if I don't get moving.

Success is...

...getting up one more time than you fall down.

Another lost week. If someone can explain to me why every day brings a new bloody crisis, I'll take a minute away from putting out fires to listen.

Jeez.

Good news: I'm down 3 pounds again. Got rid of that vacation weight.

Bad news: My left foot is back to it's original pain level from before vacation.

Good news: I get paid this week and boneless, skinless chicken breasts are on sale for 1.99/lb.

Bad news: They're raising my rent $100/month. There goes my planned fall gym membership.

Good news: I'm grocery shopping Tuesday night and those Eat Smart Veggies in the produce area will still be on sale.

I'm not giving up. I'm just frustrated. I'll be better in a couple days.

Trying too hard

So, I've had a migraine for two days now. It's letting up, but now I have that "migraine hangover" to drag me down.

When my head is on fire, I eat. So, I imagine the scale is not going to have anything nice to say tomorrow, but I'll get on it anyway.

Anyway, the real point of this post is that I'm spending so much energy "trying" that I don't spend any on "doing". I set goals that get left behind as soon as the least thing gets in my way. I worry that I'm not getting strong enough fast enough, so I'm paralyzed into sitting still.

This has become retarded in the truest meaning of the word.

There is no "try". There is only "do". "Do not" is not an option.